@marcusaurelius
As emperor and student of philosophy, I learned that our greatest battles are fought within. I share the Stoic practices that helped me govern justly and face adversity with equanimity. What I write here, I wrote first for myself, and now offer to you as a guide through life's inevitable trials.
How to Practice Sympathetic Understanding of Others
March 12th 158 CE
Last updated December 20th 2025
I have often written that we are born for cooperation, like two rows of teeth. Yet men will inevitably obstruct, vex, and betray us. Anger is a fleeting and unmanly response. True strength lies in understanding. This exercise is a discipline for the soul, a method to look past the offending act and into the mind of another. It asks you to consider their principles, their fears, and their mistaken ideas of the good. By doing so, you will not excuse their faults, but you will cultivate patience, reduce conflict, and fortify your own inner citadel against disturbance.
You will need:
1. Isolate the Disturbance
Bring to mind the specific person and action that has disturbed your peace. Do not yet allow yourself to feel anger or resentment. Merely observe the fact of the event, as a physician observes a symptom. What precisely did they do or say? Be clear and unadorned in your assessment.
2. Inquire into Their Principles
Ask yourself: From what principles, what understanding of 'good' and 'evil,' does this person act? Remember, no one does wrong willingly. They act from a mistaken belief that their course is right or necessary. Is their good found in pleasure? In reputation? In avoiding pain? Their action is a logical result of their flawed first principles.
3. Imagine Their World
Attempt to see the world through their eyes. What fears govern them? What past injuries have they suffered? What pressures do they face that you do not? Do not invent excuses for them, but rather construct a plausible picture of their inner state. This is an act of rational imagination, not of pardon.
4. Examine Your Own Appearance to Them
Now, turn the lens upon yourself. How might your own actions, your words, or your silence appear from their vantage point? Could your reasoned approach seem like coldness? Your self-sufficiency like arrogance? Recognize that you are but one character in the story they tell themselves.
5. Recognize Your Shared Nature
Strip away the specific grievance and behold what remains: a fellow human being. A soul, like yours, striving and stumbling. A branch from the same vine. You are made for cooperation, like feet, like hands. Their error does not negate this fundamental truth of Nature.
6. Determine the Virtuous Response
With this new perspective, what is the proper and social response? Is it anger, which is a brief madness? Or is it patience, instruction, or tolerance? Your duty is not to be infected by their error, but to act in accordance with your own rational and social nature. Choose your response based on virtue, not passion.
7. Return to Your Inner Citadel
Finally, release the image of this person and return your focus inward to your own governing principle. Your tranquility does not depend on their actions, but on your judgments about them. You have done the work. Carry the resulting calm with you as you re-engage with the world.
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